Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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