you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
