I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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