Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
