so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
