He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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