i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
