he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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