so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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