You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize