No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
