please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
this hospital has no fireball
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
