you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
