physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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