Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
