You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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