My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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