youre lurking in front of me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm at about main and main street
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes