who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy