if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're not piercing ourselves today.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea