she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.