So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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