so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
