I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
