its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
