you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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