All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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