I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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