I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
