You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
