I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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