it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
