i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm like, not good at living.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
