Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wear drunk well.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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