Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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