grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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