dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
