Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
