Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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