Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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