pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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