that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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