Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
