I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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