how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
