i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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