I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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