you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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