did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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