I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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