I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think your dad took our porno
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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