So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
