you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
