You can't special order awesome
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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