I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
