Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
