I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
