You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
