I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
