We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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