just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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