I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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