She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
