I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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