yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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