You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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