I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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