I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
