If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
