Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
