Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
