I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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