your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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