You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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