That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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